A lot of things changed when I moved to San Francisco. I was much colder. I bought my first real jacket. I tried Philz Coffee for the first time. I started a new job. And, out of nowhere, my stomach started ballooning arbitrarily throughout the week making me look three-to-six-months pregnant at any given moment, for no apparent reason.
Things that didn’t change: my diet, my exercise routine (OK, I started doing a lot more SoulCycle), and my overall health. I wasn’t eating more food or less healthy food, so I knew it wasn’t weight gain . . . especially when my pregnant-looking belly would mysteriously disappear by morning, and I was back to a flat stomach. But sometime during the day, I’d eat a peach or go to a cardio workout, and BAM: back to bloat. Biiiig bloat. I would snap photos to send to my mom (as you’ll see below) because I couldn’t believe what was happening to me, and I was horrified.
For 11 months, I wasn’t comfortable with my body. I couldn’t wear fitted clothing (aka, ALL of my activewear), because I knew at some point, my lower abdomen would jet out, and anyone who didn’t know me would assume I was with child. I’ve been so afraid to eat, because I knew that anything could trigger my stomach, from a piece of fruit to a sip of sports drink. Yet then there would be days when I said “eff it!” and ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch and milk, and nothing happened. It made absolutely no sense.
I’ve never felt more more ashamed of my appearance, or more uncomfortable in my own skin . . . and I’m even ashamed to admit that! My body simply didn’t feel like mine. And the worst part was that it didn’t seem like there was an explanation or end in sight.
I never intended for these photos to see the light of day, but this is what I looked like end-of-day versus the next morning. I know my room is a mess. This was truly only supposed to be for my mom (she’s mad about the mess, too).
I saw so many doctors and went through so many labs; my initial appointment was to see if it was hormonal. It wasn’t. I saw an OB-GYN. I had two ultrasounds. I tried the low-FODMAPS diet (it didn’t go well). I had my blood tested for a thyroid imbalance. My doctors were stumped, and I was frustrated to the point of many angry tears.
“For 11 months, I wasn’t comfortable with my body . . . I’ve never felt…
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